Here I was, thinking I was King of the Castle!
Life was going smoothly, I was feeling pretty comfortable and getting used to things here in Korea… then all of sudden you leave me!
Now I know when I came here, I was a little hefty so you fed me those slimy green beans for 2 months straight just so I could fly in the nice, air conditioned cabin all the way to Korea. I can honestly say after making that long trek, I can’t complain about the diet. Getting to sit in your lap under a blanket for the whole 12 hours was definitely worth the hunger pangs I felt for the 60+ days you underfed me! It wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever had to do, but I definitely held a grudge about it for quite some time…
Much to my surprise, I finally got over that and started to feel very confident about my new size and shape. I could finally see my waistline again and the locals were checking me out all the time! But then winter came….and the weather here in Seoul, if you haven’t noticed, has only gone downhill…fast! I guess I should be happy that I see the sun most days, but this ridiculous mix of snow, rain and day upon day of freezing cold weather is getting old! When is spring coming anyway?
I guess you have noticed the weather though, because just as it started to snow again here, what did you do? YOU started packing your bags to head to the beach, took me to get all my hair chopped off in the coldest part of winter, then just dumped me out at an unfamiliar house with a hefty little cocker spaniel who went straight for my toys!!
Now, last time you decided to go off galavanting around the country, you left me with one crazy, overstimulated giant of a dog and expected me to enjoy myself…I assume. I’m not sure what your definition of “enjoyment” would be, but having a 50 pound animal constantly trying to paw you down while biting your ears and shedding his fur all over your face is not exactly what I call fun! But hey, I managed for those few days and even played a little tug-o-war with him just to amuse his keepers.
This time though, you went off and left me for practically 2 weeks! Now, we are all lucky this other dog was old and easygoing, because other wise I would have probably come straight home and pissed on your floor or something like that. I mean seriously, two weeks?? I just don’t know why you couldn’t have put me on a green bean diet again and taken me with you! I know I’ve gained a little of my old weight back due to the cold weather, but don’t you know, I like the beach too?!?
Now, I feel like I suffered through enough with being away from my comfort zone for that length of time. And I’m a pretty chill dog, if you ask me. But after all those days of relaxing in the warm sun and probably chowing down on some tasty treats, you couldn’t come back with a nice little gift for me? You know, I’m not one to ever wear the ridiculous outfits that are the “trend” around here these days, but my sitter must have felt pretty bad for me after you ditched me. I mean, a few hours after you left, she went right out to “buy me something nice and warm.” So here you are, off on a relaxing vacation on the beach….and all I got was this lousy sweater! (No thanks to you!)
I mean, next time the LEAST you could do is leave me with one of these hot babes I’ve seen around town, instead of sticking me with some old, mouth breathing mutt that could care less if I exist! Until then, I’ll keep my visions of sunbathing by the beach and those precious pink cheeks of beauty floating around in my head to help me make it through the winter!